Finally one day, I received her letter and I opened it with fear and trembling. A trickle of tear rolled down my cheek and dripped onto the letter. I cried not because she had agreed to the break up... I cried because I was so upset with myself for causing her so much pain and anguish.
The past few weeks of on-and-off quarrelling, coupled with my "bo-chup" attitude caused her to be very confused too. My insensitivity and frustration towards her constantly made her think if she had done anything wrong and she was always evaluating herself to adjust to me and make this relationship work out. The harder she tried, the more it didn't work out as I continued to with my non-chalent attitude. She went through alot of mixed feelings .. love, anger, pain, sorrow, joy.... Like having gone through a emotional rollercoaster!
And so it was pronounced over after receiving this letter. Uniquely and silly how this relationship started, it also ended in a bizzare manner. This incident left me literally hating myself for the next one year! But it also made me take a step back to reflect on this whole incident. I was angry at myself for my own selfishness - wanting to go into relationship to seek companionship for myself rather than a real commitment. I was ashamed at myself for making my ex-girlfriend so through so much pain and heartache. Things wouldn't have resulted this way if I had not jumped into this relationship in the first place.
What if...?? What if....??? What if...???? What if things could be like before, it would be great. I really regretted my actions.... How I wish I could turn back time and do things differently... *sob sob*... (to be continued)
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