[Disclaimer: This post has been rated PG by the author. In any case if you are stumbled, responsibility will not be borne by the author]
... (continued from previous post).... Soon, with my eyes glued to the screen, I placed one hand down, and almost instantly followed by the other. My head drew nearer to the screen to have a closer look. Before long, I was scrolling through the website, looking at every single picture and subsequently venturing further through clicking on hyperlinks which led me to more "exotic" websites.
This first lustful adventure lasted for 2 hours and I felt totally exhausted and blurry eyes afterwards. My mind was spinning and all I could think of then were the tonnes of pornographic images which I have rumaged through the last couple of hours. I felt totally dysfunctional and wasn't in the right frame of mind.
Little did I know that what started out as a curious beginning led to my indefinite downfall of pornographic "addiction" for the next decade. Not only was I constantly haunted by guilt and shame, but I had also compromised my relationship with my parents and friends. My views about the opposite gender were also distorted because the only perspective I have of women then would be those from the "dirty" websites that I had visited. Each time I try to related or talk normally to the female friends around me, the exotic images would just float up in my mind out of nothing!
The "addiction" was not only killing me softly from the inside out, but also affecting the people around me as relationships became more tensed and strained.
It was only in my army days that I decided to wake up my idea. I felt utterly digraceful about myself on this dirty little secret that finally one day I decided to put a foot down and told myself that I had to stop watching pornography, else it would destroy my future!
The first thing that I did was to confess and share this struggle I had with ....... (to be continued)....
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