Life is either a daring adventure or nothing

Sharing with everyone this special post written by a dear friend of mine.

Disclaimer: Please read with discretion! =) Stay tuned to my blog for the true blue Singapore version of the story.

So sit tight and enjoy this story.....

So yes, this is the story of a "couple" of my friends. And how the met. And how friendship blossomed into a tree bearing much fruit. Before I go on, I must admit, I have to preconceived idea that Singaporean girls generally are more aggressive compared to Malaysian girls. And I still do think so.

On one of the days during the trip, I asked my new found friend called C, how her relationship with my other new found friend called E happened. She proceeded to produce a a little story slightly south of the truth. When I asked E, a differing story came up. And when I asked the rest of my newly found friends, even more disparities were produced. So I guess I shall hope off the bandwagon and merge my little puzzle here.

I managed to find some cute and archived pictures from this blogger, very creative I must say. Anyways, I'll be using some of her material as part of this story. So all credit goes to her for pictures. =)

Anyways, the story goes like this...

For a long, long, long, while, our friend C has been waiting for a burning ember to spark up her life. But like the saying goes... it's hard to hit a moving target.

Yet somehow, it never happened. What to do? Wait summore lorrrr.

And then suddenly... E appears out of nowhere. Why? Because when we keep our eyes so peeled for something ahead, we never learn to appreciate what has always been around... Hehe. So the moral of this story is... don't tunnel vision. Later low SA (Situational Awareness), then GG.

So they became friends on a mission trip. Wahseh, holy fate + destiny + galaxy colliding + etc etc + please_insert_own_ideas_here. But this is where it gets interesting. C says, that she thinks E is too friendly.

There's such a thing? O.o

And before E can do anything, he's already pwned by the force of a woman's mind. Because in a woman's head... friendly = player.

Everyone say: First Blood!

But yes, E is friendly and warm. So when C sees this, she panics and puts out the fire before there is even a hint of smoke. Yet, she cannot help but already be captured by his presence and charm...

So as the usual corny story goes, time flies by, they become good friends and then they begin to notice each other and then and then and and then. And before we know it, voila.

Being the wonderful rolemodels that they are, they return to their mentors and pastors and "tribes" and begin to consult wisdom from age and experience. Soon they gather up their thoughts and said to themselves... "Why not?".

And from there, C begins to allow E to win her heart. Awwww.

But for that to happen. One of the following must arise...

I'll let you decide for now which one arose. Hahaha.

Nevertheless, as E arised to win C's heart, he embarks on a quest so fearless that it requires him to have faith and the heart of a lion. After all, to win a girls' heart is no easy feat. It requires someone like the above four pictures to rise up deep within. Haha. But the truth is, Someone even better must arise first.

And so E prepares himself. And when the opportunity arose, mathematical formula proved true.

Opportunity + Preparation = Destiny ready to be taken hold of!

A girl will never give in that easily. Obviously because they are complicated creatures which complicate the mind of men. But in the end, with faith and courage, and perhaps a little encouragement from the brothers above...

E wins C's heart. And now they have embarked on a journey ever so beautiful. Even though I do not know the entire story to the point. And neither do I know both of them ever so well, but this I do know...

"And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken."
Ecclesiastes 4:12

So, to E and C. May you both be blessed on this journey. And may I be invited to your wedding day. Hopefully not to present this blogpost. Hahaha.

You're both wonderful rolemodels and mentors to a generation in desperate need of guides in faith, hope and love. And as you both look to our King, may you both radiate with his presence and grace. And above all, may you both radiate with, and in, His love. As we fight for the future, I continue to hope in standing by your sides, fighting for the Cause and for life. With God, less is indeed more.

"What the world needs now, more than ever before, are every day heroes who are ready, willing and able to make a difference." -
Greg Hickman

PS: Why do I say Singaporean girls are more aggressive? Because they tend to make the first move more often than not. After all, a girl must give clear signals. Guys are dumb when it comes to picking up hints. But we were still made first. So there. =P

(From 'Courtship 101' module by Adrian Ong)

1. HAWK - Total dominance. Refusal to listen to other party's thoughts and feelings. Just blazing the trail and doing whatever he/she thinks is right by his/her own instinct.

Implications: Danger of becoming a MCP. Ignorance of how other people feel. Tendency of views being rather self centred.

2. DOVE - Peace loving nature and in general always would want to avoid conflict. Whenever potential conflict arises, will always give in. Common statement spoken are "Oh, it's ok.. nevermind", "Yupz.. I am ok (but actually is not)" Always close one eye to everything. Sweeping everything under the carpet kind.

Implications: Danger of suppressing how one really feels. No true honesty in relationship. Little things not processed and shared will amount to big things. soon one day, the carpet cannot contain all the junks and one will just explode internally.

3. OWL - Always using the wise man approach. Typical amongst most guys. Whenever conflict arises, he/she will do his/her utmost best to argue their way through. Seemingly refuse to admit 'defeat' and wants to out talk the other person.

Implications: Danger of pride - refusal to admit mistake or say sorry even when in the wrong. Chinese saying - 死爱面子.

4. OSTRICH - When problems and conflicts arise, he/she just buries their heads in the ground and attempts to escape from everything.

Implication: Escapism is the key word here. Fear of confronting conflicts and issues. Just want to run away. Honestly, running away doesn't solve the issues, it just worsen it.

Pause...................................................

This DOES NOT just apply to BGR, but most definitely in our everyday human relationships with one another too. As I begin to reflect, I can identify which unhealthy pattern of communication which I need to be mindful of. And I can also identify some of these patterns in the people whom I work closely with too!

Like it or not, there is a tendency that our communication pattern is in either one of these catogaries.

The key here is to be mindful and don't let these unhealthy patterns inhibit us. :)

Stay tuned for 'Courtship 102' module next month - 5 Healthy Ways of Communication

PS: Post was editted @ 2:26pm after some valuable inputs from Cynthia. Read more on this article...

A bruised ego and hammered pride was how I felt after this whole few months duration saga with my online "girlfriend". Totally felt lousy about myself, espacially when my mum occasionally pokes fun at me for this silly blunder I made. To me, it was like a dream dashed and hope all lost... just when I thought I could be like Prince Charming riding on a white horse coming in to save my beautiful maiden in distress, I was wrong. My "maiden" turned out to be a man instead! Yicks!!!

Painful but important lesson learnt. Thankfully I didn't get robbed, cheated or assaulted. Since then, I stayed clear of all internet chatrooms, not wanting to commit the same mistakes again... It will forever be a last impression imprinted in me.

15 years down the road and here I am... Being a Cyber Wellness Ambassador, going to schools to teach youths the dangers of cyber space and how to handle them. That's where my online girlfriend story comes in handy!

Thank you everyone for sharing the fun and laughters with me as I shared this experience through my blog. Hope you guys learnt something precious too! Read more on this article...

10:20am. I had arrived early. I sat at the see-saw, watching the little children around me jumping around the playground as I eagerly anticipate the girl of my dreams to appear really soon. The only anti-climax was seeing my mum hiding behind the pillar at a nearby block, eyes fixed on me like the FBI.

I paced myself across the playground, left hand gripping tightly on the $50 note which is used to save my girlfriend, right hand busy wiping the sweat off my forehead constantly. It was a cool morning, but somehow the excitement and anticipation of meeting her just makes me perspire profusely! Tick tock tick tock.... those 10 minutes felt like 10 months man!

How would she look like? Long hair? Short hair? Spectacles? Tall? Short? What's the first thing I should say when I meet her? ... These were some of the many questions fluttering through my mind then.... DREAM GIRL HERE I COME TO SAVE YOU!!!

Just when I was engrossed with questions and picturing of me as a knight in shining armour saving the damsel in distress, I felt a tap on my left shoulder. I froze on the spot and I gulped.... This was it! I am one turn away from meeting my girlfriend! Using one second to adjust my already neat "curry-pok" well gelled hair fringe, I turned around and.......

ARGH!!! To my shock, it was a middle age guy! And he immediately asked me.. "Are you EeJay?". For a good 10 seconds, I was dumbfounded without an answer to him. A tsunami wave of shock, disappointment, anger, humiliation overflowed me. Getting hold of whatever was left in me, I replied "NO!" and quickly turned my back and walked off towards the block where my mum was hiding. Adding salt to the wound, my Mum was sniggering and gave me a weird smile when she saw me approaching... :(

I was just very sad. My girlfriend has just become a boyfriend! My dream has become a nightmare! My past months of time and effort investment in this online relationship felt like being flushed down the toilet bowl! It was a humiliating experience for me.. to think that I had actually committed my emotions and fought so hard to defend "her"... all along, the "her" was actually a HIM! Read more on this article...

Immediately my mum lashed back at me... "YOU SIAO AH!!!!" ... and she stormed off into the kitchen ignoring me. I sulked, I was grumpy and upset. For then on, it was the beginning of a cold war with my mum, refusing to talk to her.

Hours went by feeling like days... Days went by feeling like months.... and months went by feeling like years. Time seemingly went by very slowly and I felt really torn apart. On one hand, my online girlfriend keep sharing with me about how she was starving away and on the other hand, my mum refuse to relent in lending me the money. On my side, I felt quite guilty and useless that I couldn't protect my girlfriend.

A month after my first attempt to seek help from my mum, I decided to eat the humble pie and approach my mum for help again. Sheepishly, I walked behind my mum while she was preparing dinner in the kitchen... "Mum, I'm sorry for being angry and not talking to you. But I really want to help my friend. Can you please lend me $50 to help her? I am helping you to do good too..."

There was a long long pause after that which felt like eternity. Then my mum replied.. "Ok. I will lend you the money. Go arrange a time with your friend. I will go with you. But don't tell her I am coming. I just want to make sure you are safe."

Wiiiiii!!!! I was estatic upon hearing what she said that I immediately rushed back to my computer to break the good news to my girlfriend. We fixed up the time and location to meet. It was to be 10:30am, Saturday morning, at the playground two blocks away from my house.

That Saturday morning was especially significant for me. Not only was I able to help someone, but this would be the first time I get to meet my online girlfriend! My heart was thumping really fast as I made my way to the playground.

10:20am. I had arrived early. I sat at the see-saw, watching the little children around me jumping around the playground as I eagerly anticipate the girl of my dreams to appear really soon. The only anti-climax was seeing my mum hiding behind the pillar at a nearby block, eyes fixed on me like the FBI.... (to be continued) Read more on this article...

In the 3rd month of our online relationship, she suddenly pop me with this question.. "Hey dear, I would like to meet up with you and also borrow $50 from you. Because right now my father has lost his job and I don't have any allowance. Everyday I only each one meal because I don't have enough money. Can lend? I need your help badly dear..."

A sense of sympathy overwhelmed me as I was griefed and burdened in my heart together with her about her family situation. Out of a righteous heart, driven by wanting to be a good and responsible boyfriend in taking care of my girlfriend, I replied her.. "Ok dear, I help you. But I don't have $50. Need to borrow from my mother. I ask her first."

I felt really good and proud about myself for standing up and protecting my girlfriend. Looking back, guess it probably is some guy-ego thingy.. Well, guys always feel good when they get to be the hero and save the damsel in distress! :P

My attempt at my mum in borrowing money from her was shut off. She asked why I needed the money and I didn't want to reveal it, fearing that I would get scolded. Each night my girlfriend would share with me how much weight she lost due to the meals she skipped, how she has no money to buy textbooks and stationaries...etc Yet on the other hand, my mum refuse to relent to my many requests to borrow the money.

Until one day I decided to go for brokes... I couldn't stand it anymore "hearing" my girlfriend suffering and I couldn't do anything about it. I went up to my mum one day and told her.. "Mum, actually I need the money from you to help this friend I knew from Internet. She's a good friend and we have been chatting for many months. I am sure she can be trusted. You always teach us to be a good person right? Now I am being a good person by helping someone in need. Can lend me $50???"

Immediately my mum lashed back at me... "YOU SIAO AH!!!!" (to be continued)
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Did I manage to get hold of the money from my mother? Will I get to meet my online girlfriend and save her from poverty? Stay tuned for the next episode on "My Online Girlfriend" series... coming to you shortly. Read more on this article...

Silly as this may sound, one day I decided to pop her the question on the IRC... "Do you want to be my stead?". After 10 seconds, which felt like eternity, she answered... "Sure! Ok!"

My heart stopped for a beat at that moment when I saw that reply on the screen. I jumped off my seat with my fist punching the air shouting "YES!" Oh my gosh, you have no idea how happy I was then... my heart was beating so fast like a wild horse running around unable to be contained! Finally someone agrees to be my girlfriend! Wii!!!!

Calming myself down before going back to the keyboard and continuing the conversation with her, I decided to push one step further. I typed in my next sentence in the IRC chatbox.. "Thank you DEAR for saying ok to be my stead!". Though the thought of saying this sentence out just sends me into goosepimples, I had no reservations nor qualms about typing such lovey dovey words to my new found online girlfriend.. I felt it was the right thing to say to my girlfriend!

We continued keeping in contact in the next 2 months... constantly sharing out thoughts, feelings, sharing out cares and woes. When she was feeling down, I would show her alot of affection online. My most famous poem was "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. I love you like a sweet Buah Chi Ku!" However, through this period, we never asked for each others' photo. Somehow within me, I just feel there wasn't this need because of the trust we have established over the months. My mind was telling me... Love can conquer everything!

In the 3rd month of our online relationship, she suddenly pop me with this question.. "Hey dear, I would like to meet up with you and also.......... (to be continued)

PS: My famous poem is copyrighted. Please seek permission from me before you use. Keke.. :P Read more on this article...

I.R.C? I.C.Q? Does these two terms ring any bells in you? Well, congratulations! If you know what they represent, high chance you belong to my era or so as to say, dynasty. And if you do not understand these terms, don't be despondent, because you belong to Generation-Y that dabbles around with more familiar terms such as MSN, IMVU, MapleStory, W.O.W....etc.

Well, when I was in my secondary school days, I heard so much from my friends about IRC (also known as Internet Relay Chat) that I decided to give it a try and have a feel of it. It wasn't before long that I was into the matrix world of IRC and busy chatting along with online strangers. Totally unregulated, everyone could speak anything they liked. Vulgarities, casual conversations and even cybersex dominated these chatrooms.

I started out on a journey of exploration of this new virtual community. I ended up making alot of new friends just from hours of punching away at the keyboard with my eyes glued to the screen for hours. From making bundles of online friends, I got to know one of them better and that sparked everything off.....

We started chatting daily for a hour, getting to know each other. Name, age, school, address, family background, hobbies.... we shared it all. That was only the first week we knew each other online. By the second week, we were sharing about our past i.e. how many boyfriends / girlfriends we had before, the kind of boys / girls we liked, and even what we hope to see in our future boyfriend / girlfriend. From one hour daily, we progressed to three hours daily and this online friendship went on for 3 months.

I enjoyed this online friendship. I felt I could really share my heart out with this friend and she understands how I feel. I also enjoy hearing her share her thoughts and could sympathize with the things she goes through. somehow this thought came to my mind, "Gosh! We seem to be made for each other! 天生一对龙凤配！"

Silly as this may sound, one day I decided to pop her the question on the IRC... "Do you want to be my stead?". After 10 seconds, which felt like eternity, she answered....... (To be continued.......) Read more on this article...

My friend immediately blurted out back at me... "EeJay... You are a COWARD! Why are you getting so depressed just because a girl rejected you? Come on! There's more to life than just about BGRs! Wake up your idea lah!!!!"

WOW! I was stunned by my friend's rebuke at me. I was still expecting some sympathy and concern from him upon hearing of my situation. Hoping that my friend would comfort and "sayang" me for the predicament I was in, all I got in return was a harsh scolding instead. I felt unjustified and anger brewing inside me. But the sour and wallowing-in-rejection feeling was too overwhelming in me and I just couldn't be bothered to answer back to my friend. And for the next 1 hour as we chatted, he practically lectured me about moving on from this rejection. Very little got into my head, but definitely a few key statement repeatedly struck me... "MOVE ON LAH!!"... "WAKE UP YOUR IDEA!!!" ... "THERE'S MORE TO LIFE!!"

That night as I laid in bed, I couldn't fall asleep once again. But this time round it was different. It wasn't because I kept thinking about how hurt and rejected I felt. But I was pondering over what my friend had just counselled me in the afternoon. True enough, the past few months of my life have been in a mess because of relationship issue and much of it has to boil down to my immaturity in handling my own emotions and letting my thoughts run wild. I came to a conculsion that night. I wasn't mature enough to enter a relationship yet. Even if I was in one, I wasn't capable of handling it. So for the time being, I am not going to think about going into any relationships, but rather take the time to understand myself better and grow in maturity.

I woke up the next morning with puffy eyes and dark eye rings from lack of sleep. But inside me I could feel a sense of relieve... somehow like a burden being lifted. I won't say that the negative feelings about myself disappeared immediately, but it was a gradual process which took me a few months.

Time may heal the wound, but it doesn't erase away the memories. What's important is to have valuable learning experience from the memories. =)



Next upcoming series: "Chronicles of the Hokkien-Peng: Oei! Why you so like that?!?!" Read more on this article...

Rejected and lonely, I walked towards the Singapore River. Along the way, I bought a bottle of Hooch and just sat down on the steps leading down the river and starred blankly. The sour feeling of rejection was just so hard to bear, and at that moment, even the Hooch tasted like bittergourd juice! Yucks!

I forgot how long I sat there, maybe 2 hours or more. I felt totally lousy about myself. From confidence and self esteem rocketing sky high the day before, I have been hammered to an all-time low. No I just feel like burying my head in the ground and run away from everyone. And run away I did... After a sleepless night and hangover from Hooch, I tendered a transfer the next day at work. I assumed that everyone in my group of friends would have known of my rejection and I wasn't prepared to face anyone of them, espacially the girl whom I liked and rejected me. So I chose the easy way out... I requested for a transfer to another outlet in Suntec City so that I didn't need to face my friends anymore. It was my way of dealing with my emotions... by choosing to run away from reality.

I didn't tell any of my friends of this transfer... I just left quietly and refused to pick up any phonecalls. And for the next one month, I wallowed in self-pity, self-rejection and self-condemnation. To help me get my mind off these thoughts, I diverted all my attention to working. I packed my working hours, from 8am till 10pm daily, even on weekends. Totally no life... not for money, but just to numb my feelings. I was living in self denial.. painful in the heart, but refused to acknowledge or talk to anyone about it, rather I choose to escape by working myself to the ground...

This self-tormenting went on for a month until a week before I was about to enter the army for National Service. I bumped into a secondary school friend whom I have lost touch with for 2 years. We caught up and somehow as we chatted, I shared with him about my rejection incident and how lousy I was feeling.

My friend immediately blurted out back at me... "EeJay... You are a COWARD." ... (to be continued) Read more on this article...

The next morning, even with the sleepless night before, I was still look fresh and bright. I suited up myself nicely with a brand new shirt bought two weeks ago, gel my hair nicely in a "Aaron Kwok" style and went off to work with a glow on my face. I was eager in anticipation... in fact, I could feel the confidence gathering in my stride as I walk. With every gush of wind along Shenton Way, my confidence grew. I could sense "Victory" in my way!

I worked through the whole morning with great joy in me. I believe I could have easily won the best employee for the day award! I was looking forward to lunchtime, where I would get to meet my friends, and assumingly if nothing goes wrong - my new girlfriend too! 1:00PM, and it's lunchtime! I rushed to the restroom, combed up my hair neatly and confidently stroded down to meet my friends for lunch. And there she was, with her usual big bright eyes accompanied by the long flowy hair. My heart was beating faster now... *thump thump thump*

As we were chatting in the group and discussing where to go for lunch, I noticed a moment where she was alone. So I sheepishly sneaked up next to her to talk to her, asking if she had read my little letter to her. Her reply to me was.....

"Yup, I read your letter. Thank you. But actually I like someone else already."

*Sound of glass shattering into ten thousand pieces*

On the outside, I maintained my poise, said an OK and walked away. Deep inside me, I was totally shattered. Unspeakable. I felt as if my heart just shattered onto the floor into millions of pieces and being trampled upon.

Head bowed down, I quietly walked away from my group of friends. Nobody noticed that I had left. It didn't matter to me anymore, I just wanted to be alone. Rejected and lonely, I walked towards the Singapore River..... (to be continued) Read more on this article...

... BUT I didn't have the guts once again. So I did what I do best. During lunchtime one day, I took out a piece of paper and began writing a short letter expressing my "love" towards her and that I hope we can be together as a couple! I kept that piece of paper in my pocket, eagerly awaiting till knock-off time where I could pass it to her on the MRT ride home. My heart was beating 50% fast that day definitely, even when I was working as the cashier, my mind was thinking of what would happen after work that day... I still remembered that in the midst of daydreaming, I got chided by my boss for giving wrong change to a customer! *Diaoz*

Tick tock, Tick tock.... FINALLY! The clock struck 8:00PM and it was time to get off work.. Time for the BIG MOVE! Even though this was not my first time doing such things, but I was feeling super nervous! I kept checking my pocket to make sure the letter is still there... As usual, the group of us met up together after work to take the eastbound MRT back together. I was anticipating for the right moment to pass her my expression-of-love letter.. but it was tough as there wasn't a moment where she was alone where I could get to talk to her. I was getting worried.. Gosh! Am I gonna miss this chance?

Suddenly, there was a glimmer of hope for me. A few of them went to the restroom and apparently just dumped their bags with me (because I was the only guy left who didn't need to use the restroom.. duh!). Smart, witty, silly, desperate... whatever you can name it then.. I made use of this best moment, took out the slip of letter from my pocket and quickly stuff it in her bag! Within a split second, it was done! There was a huge sigh of relieve within me.. I did it!

Things carried on as usual after the toilet break.. we all took the MRT back home and just before I alighted at my station, I stood beside my friend and told her, "Hey, I passed you something. It's inside your bag. Bye!"... and I zipped out of the train quickly just in time before the train door clams on me!

That night as I lay in bed, I couldn't get to sleep.

I was excited and eagerly awaiting to meet up with my friend tommorrow and hear her response to my "proposal"... (to be continued) Read more on this article...

Just when I thought I had learnt a hard lesson from my very first relationship breakup at 17 years old? I was WRONG!!! I tried all ways make myself stop thinking about the breakup and resentful feelings I had, but they all didn't work. Finally, I thought I found my solution....

I was working part time at a fast food restaurant then (not famous one, has since closed down), and there was a couple of my JC friends working at the coffee place one storey below me. We would often take MRT together to and from work, and hang out for drinks after work sometimes. Soon, I begin to find myself taking more notice to one of them. She was a sweet looking girl, long hair and had big round eyes. Each time I chatted with her, or was even just standing next to her, I felt as if my heartbeat doubled! I felt the same old butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling again.. only this time minus the french fries..

Part of me was still nursing the wounded heart from my breakup. But part of me also misses and yearn for the love, care and concern I had felt when I was in a relationship. I wished I was attached once again... but I also wished that I don't want to have those tiring quarrels and squabbles again. I looked at my friend.. and my mind was thinking, "I hope she will be my girlfriend. She seems like a really nice and caring girl."

Overruled by emotions, I didn't care too much anymore... I just longed for and wanted to be with someone.. someone whom would shower me with attention and love. Armed with such a selfish love-seeking missle, I was totally irrational and wanted to take action to approach my friend and pop the question... BUT I didn't have the guts once again. So I did what I do best. During lunchtime one day, I took out a piece of paper and beganing writing..... (to be continued) Read more on this article...

I really regretted my actions.... How I wish I could turn back time and do things differently... *sob sob*... But it wasn't possible. I felt totally like crap then.. sad that the relationship was over, that we were "not steady" anymore, and on the other hand utterly disgusted with myself for how I had caused things to turn out this way. There and then, I felt like digging a hole and hiding my face inside forever! =(

It took me a whole year to stop hating myself over this issue. The first three months after the breakup was tormentous. The breakup kept haunting my mind then, and I tried all ways to make myself stop thinking about it.. you name it, I probably would have tried it before. I tried hiding myself at home and wallow in my hatred-sadness concoction, but it didn't work as I got so bored at home. I tried to work long hours during my part time job so as to numb my emotions, but it didn't work as I almost got overexhausted. I wanted to try smoking to lighten my burden, but I didn't dare as I simply couldn't stand the smell even of second hand smoke.

As I look back now, this incident would go down as the most regretful moment of my life. Because of the hurts and emotional rollercoaster I had put the poor girl through.. all because I had let emotions overrun my brains and just wanted a companion when I wasn't ready or understood anything about commitment in a real relationship! Today, I am a youth worker and have counselled many youths in this area of relationships or "going steady". And 100% of the time, my response to them is that they SHOULD NOT go steady at such young age because of the lack of maturity in handling emotions and commitment. Some heeded my advice and are growing well in developing healthy friendships amongst one another. Other chose to go their own way, and almost all of them are going through what I went through last time.

I don't proclaim that I am an expert advisor in the area of relationship. But I do admit that in this area, I have walked a journey ahead of most of them and learnt my lessons. You may not trust my theories or tall talks... But trust my life experiences and invaluable lessons learnt. :) Read more on this article...

Finally one day, I received her letter and I opened it with fear and trembling. A trickle of tear rolled down my cheek and dripped onto the letter. I cried not because she had agreed to the break up... I cried because I was so upset with myself for causing her so much pain and anguish.

The past few weeks of on-and-off quarrelling, coupled with my "bo-chup" attitude caused her to be very confused too. My insensitivity and frustration towards her constantly made her think if she had done anything wrong and she was always evaluating herself to adjust to me and make this relationship work out. The harder she tried, the more it didn't work out as I continued to with my non-chalent attitude. She went through alot of mixed feelings .. love, anger, pain, sorrow, joy.... Like having gone through a emotional rollercoaster!

And so it was pronounced over after receiving this letter. Uniquely and silly how this relationship started, it also ended in a bizzare manner. This incident left me literally hating myself for the next one year! But it also made me take a step back to reflect on this whole incident. I was angry at myself for my own selfishness - wanting to go into relationship to seek companionship for myself rather than a real commitment. I was ashamed at myself for making my ex-girlfriend so through so much pain and heartache. Things wouldn't have resulted this way if I had not jumped into this relationship in the first place.

What if...?? What if....??? What if...???? What if things could be like before, it would be great. I really regretted my actions.... How I wish I could turn back time and do things differently... *sob sob*... (to be continued) Read more on this article...

... And it seemed that our whole world revolves around the two of us only! But soon, things began to change, and it was all my fault. I began yearning to have my own personal space and freedom, which had been cut down alot ever since I "went steady" with her. I felt like Tweety Bird in the cage, desiring to get out of the cage and gain back the freedom I used to have! I just wished I could do anything that I wanted without having to constantly update anyone.. I began feeling that this relationship was an extra load.. I felt being held back.. I was beginning to regret my decision on "going steady"...

With all these thoughts rambling in my mind, I began my withdrawel syndrome on this relationship. Each time we went out, I would show the non-chalent attitude. I grew frustrated easily and that resulted in frequent quarrels too which ended up in cold wars. All I was thinking then was that I wanted my freedom back. Many times we would quarrel and after that we would patch back. But each time I became more and more emotional drained out.. I want to call it quits soon... I can't take it any longer.. ARGH!!!!

After weeks of on-and-off quarrelling, I decided that I wanted to break up... BUT I didn't have the courage to tell her face to face. So I chose the most cowardly, unconventional and TV-Drama way... I wrote her a letter to initiate the break up. At the moment I posted the letter, I was so angry with myself for being so cowardly.

And for the next one week, I lived my life with shame, guilt and anguish written all over my face. Finally one day, I received her letter and I opened it with fear and trembling. A trickle of tear rolled down my cheek and dripped onto the letter.... (to be continued) Read more on this article...

A week later, I decided to pluck up my mousy courage and to ask her to "go steady" with me. I still remembered that whole day I felt like I was having butterflies in my stomach, totally nervous! Then the moment came.. I sat down opposite her in MacDonalds and told her..... "The french fries quite nice hor??"

Diaoz! Oh my gosh! I fumbled at the last moment.. Somehow I just couldn't muster the courage up to ask her the bombshell question! My self esteem then was like humpty dumpty falling down from the wall, shattered into pieces and my face was flushing red like a baboon's butt! Argh! Couldn't have felt anymore lousy and embarrassed.. At that instant, I totally bo-chup already.. this was "do-or-die" mission time, so I decided to throw aside all my pride and just go ahead to pop the question. Within a split second, I just muttered quickly, "Errm.... So, can we be together?"

What happened next seemed like eternity man... There was a long pause, then she just said "Huh?" ... I was totally stunned and my facial expression was stoned. But after that she smiled and laughed... A huge relieve overcame me and I smiled back too. We had a good laugh and by mutual understanding, we were "officially steady together". Nothing very dramatic, I had totally B.I.B.O (Blur-In-Blur-Out), but there and then for a 17 year old me, it was the happiest day of my life man! =P

It was honeymoon period for both of us for the next few weeks. We spent more time together studying for A-levels, went out to watch movies.. and it seemed that our whole world revolves around the two of us only!

But soon, things began to change, and it was all my fault........ (to be continued) Read more on this article...

(continued from previous post) .... I "went steady" with my first girlfriend at 17 years old, and I must confess, that really was out of companionship sake. I still remember it was during the preparation for A-levels examination days. It started out with a bunch of classmates studying together at MacDonalds. Gradually, the studying group got smaller and smaller, leaving just me and her on most days. We continued studying together, shared french fries for lunch and dinner, and during our study breaks we would share about our lives and laugh together. As the days go by, I would take bus and send her home daily, even though the bus doesn't even pass by my house!


As weeks went by, our friendship drew closer with all the times we spent together. In my heart, I felt I was on cloud nine... whenever I am with her, I would feel happy and it felt really good to have someone talk to you and whom you could talk to too. It seemed that we both had a lot of things in common. We had similar interests, similar outlook of life, similar family situations, and there was just so many things we could talk, laugh and share about together.

Soon questions start popping into my mind... "Was I in LOVE??", "We have so much things in common, were we meant for each other??", "Should I go steady with her?", "How should I go about asking her to be my girlfriend??"... The more I thought of these questions, my heart was beating faster and faster.... And with each passing day, the more time I spent with her, the more I felt drawn and attracted to her. It was hard to express how I feel.. Confused, but yet also delighting and sensational feeling... *strange & puzzled*

A week later, I decided to pluck up my mousy courage and to ask her to "go steady" with me. I still remembered that whole day I felt like I was having butterflies in my stomach, totally nervous! Then the moment came.. I sat down opposite her in MacDonalds and told her..... (to be continued) Read more on this article...

Recently I have been hearing news of youths going into relationships.. in the youth lingo, it means "Get Attached". And amongst these youths, the youngest amongst them is only Secondary 1! It really boggles my mind alot, espacially when I see these young couples on the streets, cuddling and getting overly up-close and behaving intimately together! Now, what do they understand about relationships and love at such a young age? Why get attached so early?

Call me old-fashion if you like, but seriously think about it... There are concerns and dangers when youths get attached at such a young age. Firstly, there is the dilution in understanding the meaning of love... youths get attached more out of companionship rather than true committed love. I have counselled enough cases to know that none of these relationships ever last more than a few months.. after a while these young couples start getting "sian" and constrained by the relationship and they break up because they prefer to have freedom now. Now, that's getting attached for companionship sake!

I got attached with my first girlfriend at 17 years old, and I must confess, that really was out of companionship sake. I still remember it was during the preparation for A-levels examination days....... (to be continued) Read more on this article...